Are you a struggling homeschooler? If so, you aren’t alone! I’ve been homeschooling for almost 33 years and I’m struggling too.

Every homeschool year and sometimes each day brings its own struggles. As homeschool parents we feel that means we’re failing. Your second grader isn’t reading yet- you say you’re failing your kid. You only got math and reading done today because the baby was fussy- you say you’re failing your kid. You took off school to go grocery shopping and catch up on laundry- you say you’re failing your kids. I see posts like these on a daily basis in my homeschooling Facebook groups. None of this means you are failing your kids. All it means is that you have some challenges to address.

Let’s take the second grader who isn’t reading yet. There are things that you should check such as if the child needs glasses or has dyslexia, but once those are ruled out, if your child isn’t developmentally ready to read, then they just need time until they’re ready. Whether your child learns to read at age four, age eight, or age ten doesn’t make you a failure or a success. Just read with your child, get outside and do a lot of running and climbing and let time do its magic. My middle son had a difficult time reading and didn’t learn to read until he was nearly eleven, while at the same time his little sister learned to read at age four. Ironically, my daughter actually had some vision problems and ended up needing glasses when she was six. The point here is that when a child is developmentally ready for reading, they will read.

If you have a crazy day for whatever reason and only do a couple of subjects or even do no school at all, you’re not failing your kids. Your kids are learning all of the time. You just might not realize it or count it as school. Honestly, the first thing we need to do as home educators is get the word, school, out of our mouths and our minds. When we persist in the mindset that learning is done with textbooks and worksheets, and validated by tests, we are limiting ourselves and our children. If you’re in a state where you need to document school activities and hours, then for sorting laundry, you can write, “practiced sorting and classifying skills,” for the grocery store you can write, “learned to calculate pricing by unit.” To the busybody in the grocery store who asks why the kids aren’t in school, you can just say that they go to a private school and it’s not session that day due to a teacher work day!

So, on a day when no formal work gets done or only some gets done, take a look at what did happen. Did the kids help you at the grocery store? Did they weigh the fruits and vegetables or look at the prices of items and figure out how much those three pounds of bananas were going to cost? Did the kids help you with the laundry by sorting the clothes, measuring the detergent, and learning how to use the washer and dryer? While you comforted the baby, were your children playing with Lego or watching something on PBS? Then they were learning! Instead of thinking that no “school” got done, look to see if learning happened. If learning happens, then it’s a successful school day!

Right now, I’m a struggling homeschooler because I’m learning how to implement unschooling for my 13-year-old son. Do I feel like I’m a failure because my preferred method of homeschooling, the Charlotte Mason method, isn’t working for this child? No, because the only way to fail at homeschooling is to do nothing at all. I’m reading books about unschooling, joining unschooling groups on Facebook, talking with friends who unschool, and most importantly talking with my child to figure out what he’s interested in learning and how to support and encourage him.

We’ve arrived at unschooling because my son wasn’t getting his schoolwork done after having done it pretty well for months. I asked him if he could tell me what the issue was. Staying curious rather than accusing is a good tactic when trying to figure out where the issue lies when you run into problems with kids. His response was, “I can’t remember anything that I’m reading because none of it interests me, which makes it hard for me to narrate what I read.” I don’t know about you, but I can certainly relate to that. There were definitely things that I was forced to learn in school that I had zero interest in learning. To me, true education is equipping someone for what they need and want to know, not what society tells us that they “should” know. We all have educational gaps and everyone, kids included, constantly fill in those gaps as they find a need for information they haven’t yet learned.

So, here we are, my son and I, embarking on an unschooling journey. I’m struggling because it’s new and challenging. Sometimes, changing your homeschooling style is all you need to end the struggle you’re experiencing. The great thing about being a homeschool parent is that we get to keep learning along with our children.

If you’re a struggling homeschooler, take a deep breath! It’s going to be okay. Your child will learn to read, the baby will grow up, you will find the right method of learning for your kids, and you will look back and see with 20/20 hindsight that you did a great job. No one cares more for your children and their success than you do. No school can ever replace the love and support of a dedicated parent. I’m wishing you all the best! Happy Homeschooling!